“笨”死的梭子鱼和“越学越笨”的孩子

emilysam · 发表于 6-9-2012 20:53:08|来自：新加坡

原来转载在博客的一篇文章，觉得和最近讨论的某些话题很相关，都是望子成龙的家长，希望对大家能有点启发。

“笨”死的梭子鱼
科学家做过一个实验，把一条梭子鱼放进一个有许多小鱼的水池里，任何时候梭子鱼饿了，只要张张嘴，把小鱼吞进去就行了，过了一段时间，科学家用一个玻璃瓶罩住了梭子鱼，开始时，小鱼在瓶子外面游来游去，梭子鱼就迎上去，但每次都撞在了瓶壁上。慢慢地，梭子鱼的冲撞越来越少，最后，他完全绝望了，放弃了捕食小鱼的所有努力。这时，科学家取走了套住它的瓶子，备受打击的梭子鱼沉到了池底，一动也不动了。无论有多少小鱼在它的身边甚至嘴边游来游去，它都不会再张张嘴。最后，这条可怜的梭子鱼就这么活活饿死了。
听了这个故事，也许你会说，这条梭子鱼真是笨死了。
梭子鱼原来并不笨，捕食小鱼是它的拿手好戏，它是一条能够独立生活的正常的鱼。可是，无数次的碰壁后，梭子鱼开始怀疑自己捕鱼的能力，后来，它彻底绝望了，坚信自己是一条笨鱼。这种无能感最终害死了它。
  “越学越笨”的孩子
美国幼儿教育家凯茨在孩子身上也发现了类似的现象，他称之为“习得性愚蠢”。他说，很多孩子在学习的过程中，会因为某些原因，逐渐产生对学习的无能感，并因此而丧失了自信心。在他人的眼里，就会觉得他们“越学越苯”了。那么，

孩子是怎么变“苯”的呢？

永远也赢不了的游戏
如果我们让孩子玩一个游戏，这个游戏的难度超出孩子现有的理解能力，但我们又不向他做任何讲解，结果孩子总是不知道该怎么玩，每次尝试都失败，那么孩子感觉会越来越糟糕，不用别人说，他也会觉得自己很笨。
若是在孩子的生活里，他很少得到“赢”的感觉，最终，他可能就会变成一个看起来笨头笨脑又畏手畏脚的孩子。

过早的知识传授
一些热衷于所谓“智力开发”的父母，积极地对幼小的孩子进行读写算训练。那些学业知识不符合幼儿的认知特点，孩子虽然也能靠鹦鹉学舌的方式死记硬背下来，但并不理解，所以往往并未能促进他们的智力发展，反而给孩子带来很大的学习压力，降低了对学习的兴趣，挫伤了自信。

大量的负面暗示
有一个充满寓意的童话故事：有一位美丽的公主，从小就被一位巫婆关在一座高塔上面，每天只能见到巫婆。巫婆每天都对他说：“你的样子丑极了，见到你的人都会感到害怕。”公主相信了巫婆的话，怕被别人嘲笑，不敢逃走。直到有一天，一位王子经过他下塔下，看到公主那如仙的美貌，惊为天人，救出了她。这位公主才对着镜子意识到自己原来如此美丽。
事实上，很多父母都可能在无意间充当了“巫婆”的角色。
说孩子“真笨”是一些父母的口头禅，说起时甚至带着爱意。可是，孩子接受到的就是“笨”的信息；有时，望子成龙的父母有意无意的拿孩子与别人相比，“你看人家××多聪明！”“李阿姨的女儿都能用英语和老外对话了，她比你还小呢。”……有时，父母在朋友、外人面前表现谦虚，“我儿子不行，很笨的。”“这孩子很没脑子的。”
整日被淹没在如此大量的负面暗示里，孩子怎么能不真心实意地相信自己真的很笨？
当孩子因为上述种种原因，深信自己的脑子很笨、学习能力很差的时候，他就会产生严重的自卑感和自我怀疑，他的潜意识就会产生“保护作用”，拒绝新的资讯进入记忆库，来保护主人的信念是对的。结果就真的成了“学什么都不会”的笨孩子。

如果你不想孩子变笨——

让他体验成功的喜悦
当孩子获得成功，体验到快乐时，大脑里将会释放出“脑内[关键词屏蔽]”，这种化学物质会驱使孩子想重复这一经验。所以，从这个角度，我们可以说“成功是成功之母”。
在做游戏、玩玩具、做手工、参加竞赛及做家务等等活动中，鼓励孩子大胆尝试，适当引导，让孩子可以通过一定的努力品尝到胜利的喜悦。比如，当孩子跃跃欲试想帮妈妈洗碗时。不要嫌麻烦，或是怕他打碎碗而拒绝他，不妨为他搬个高度适中的凳子，为他戴上围裙、套袖，告诉他怎样轻拿轻放，怎样冲洗干净。当孩子洗好一只碗时，大声夸赞他干得真棒，孩子会很快乐，对自己的能力充满自信！
对小孩子来说，各种探索都是学习的机会，那么，就让我们“为孩子找一棵矮点的苹果树，让孩子踮起脚，伸手就可以摘到苹果”。一次次成功的体验会让孩子信心百倍，动力十足地向下一个更高的目标迈进。

兴趣永远第一
凌志军在畅销书《微软小子》里讲了个故事，朱丽叶的儿子沃伦秉性聪慧，才14岁，就已完成高中学业，可以上大学了，在这种情况下，大多数中国父母都会很自豪地叙述孩子的成功，朱丽叶却不想让孩子现在就上大学，原因是想让孩子更多地享受童年时光，让他做他喜欢的事情。他与作者有如下的回答：
  “作为老师，你觉得‘成绩、兴趣、快乐的童年、道德’中什么对学生最重要？”
  “兴趣永远是第一。没有兴趣就没有一切，有了兴趣，伟大的成绩便随之而来”
“那么，作为作家，你觉得什么对孩子最重要？”
  “兴趣，还是兴趣。我希望他有一个很快乐的童年。不过，兴趣还是第一位。有兴趣才有快乐。”
这位母亲的信念与一位前苏联的教育家异曲同工。一次，这位教育家给学前班的孩子们上课。他准备了一个“发言球”，一边从讲台扔出去，一边说“2+3=”，哪个孩子接到球，哪个孩子就说出答案，孩子学得很高兴。听课老师有的就不理解，说你这不多此一举吗？直接提问不就可以了吗？要什么“发言球”？他回答说，没有“发言球”，当然也可以提问，但是孩子却没有了发言的兴趣。
“兴趣是最好的老师”，这句话已成老生常谈，却仍被很多父母熟视无睹。如果你希望孩子越来越聪明、越来越好学，那就把激发、呵护、提高孩子对学习活动的兴趣放到每日日程上吧。

告诉孩子，失败了没关系
学习、活动总有胜败、输赢，怎么给予孩子评定是一门艺术。因为孩子本身不具备自我评价能力。大多数是靠他人对自己的态度来进行自我认识。
下例中的老师很擅长于这门艺术——
幼儿园里，老师要求小朋友用左右手拍球30次。欧阳动作欠协调，拍了20多次，球滚掉了，欧阳两眼直望着老师，急得眼泪也淌了出来。怎样给他打分呢？打“×”？标志着失败，若打“☆”，又不符合事实，失去了游戏的真实与趣味。能否打一个既不是失败又不是成功，让阳阳又乐于接受的记号呢？老师在阳阳的耳边悄悄地说：“你拍得很好，只差几个球，离‘☆’只缺一条边。”老师走到黑板前在阳阳名字后面打了一个缺一条边的“☆”。阳阳破涕为笑，承认自己与其他人相比是差了一点点。
缺条边的“☆”虽然也表示不成功，但不是结果，仅是一个过程，离成功仅是一步之差，却给孩子带来了希望，增强了成功的欲望。阳阳在以后的活动中充满了自信，第二次拍球终于成功，老师不仅给他打了一个“☆”，还在地第一个缺条边的“☆”上添了一条边，因为阳阳不怕受挫，仍然继续努力。
当孩子为“失败”而难过时，父母不应以怜悯的态度对待孩子，或者在孩子面前唉声叹气，更甚至劈头盖脸地责骂孩子，正确的方法是让孩子明白，失败、错误没什么大不了的，人人都可能碰到，勇敢、聪明的人会从失败中吸取教训，继续努力。
允许孩子失败，也是对孩子能够成功的一种信任。
最后，让我们思考国际21世纪委员会对“最初的教育”是否成功的判断标准：看它是否“提供了有助于终身继续学习的动力和基础”。如果是，这种教育可以说是成功的；否则就是失败。

Fiona2004 · 发表于 6-9-2012 21:48:28|来自：新加坡

很好的分享，谢谢蹦蹦妈！

vivocity2010 · 发表于 7-9-2012 08:03:08|来自：新加坡

支持一下！

露露XD · 发表于 7-9-2012 08:09:48|来自：新加坡

赞赞赞

meidance · 发表于 7-9-2012 08:49:20|来自：新加坡

学习了。

jjrchome · 发表于 7-9-2012 10:10:08|来自：新加坡

好文章！

最近正在读的《培育男孩：塑造下一代男人》中有这样一段：

我曾帮助过一个高中男孩，在16岁时决定退学，那时他已经连续留级几年。他是个强悍、易怒的孩子，看起来似乎对什么都不在乎。当我问他为什么决定离开学校时，他的眼睛噙满了泪水。他告诉我他从未真正学会过阅读。然后，他咬紧牙说道："你们这些人使我觉得自己的一生毫无价值。但这是你们最后一次这样做。我退学了！"我无法指责他。

这个可怜的男孩就是和梭子鱼一样被“笨”死的。。。

rockpp · 发表于 7-9-2012 10:12:08|来自：新加坡

谢谢分享。太有道理了。

jjrchome · 发表于 7-9-2012 11:17:52|来自：新加坡

本帖最后由 jjrchome 于 7-9-2012 11:20 编辑

“过早的知识传授
一些热衷于所谓“智力开发”的父母，积极地对幼小的孩子进行读写算训练。那些学业知识不符合幼儿的认知特点，孩子虽然也能靠鹦鹉学舌的方式死记硬背下来，但并不理解，所以往往并未能促进他们的智力发展，反而给孩子带来很大的学习压力，降低了对学习的兴趣，挫伤了自信。”

完全赞同上面这段话！

李显龙总理最近在Facebook上分享了一篇文章---《Simon Says Don’t Use Flashcards》，并写下了这样一段话：“At the National Day Rally on Sunday, I said that it is good for young children to play and learn through play. We should not force feed our kids, and turn pre-school into a prep course for Primary One. I am glad that many parents and educators have agreed with me.”。（http://www.facebook.com/leehsienloong）

读者们对李显龙的这个Post反应热烈，以下是几个比较典型的评论：

1.  PM Sir...I strongly agreed with you that kids should have their childhood...I have 2 kids, one in P1 and the other in K1...I understand in P1 school is not teaching ABC and also expect you to know basic mathematics as well. So no choice we have to send our kids to enrichment class even when they are in preschool stage...to be honest, me and my wife had a few disagreement on sending our kids to all these extra lesson when they are so young...children now are lossing their childhood. I don't remember my parent sent me and my brother to all these when we were young...but think back, do we have choice...

2. One more thing.... Bad childhoon = Bad memories = No heart for Singapore.  People have heart for a place because they can associate deep bonding with the places in their memories.  I hope my children don't remember Singapore as a place where they were pushed to study like hell with zero childhood.

3. 总理先生，我曾经是一名幼教师，我在这行有十几年了！我觉得您的提议是好的，但是否有考虑到小一的程度呢？如果幼儿从K2至小一程度有很大的分别，幼儿将会感到非常压力。环境的改变，不一样的老师，时间较长等问题。所以，要改变幼儿教育，也要调整小一的要求！

4. Dear Mr Lee, thank you for the timely reminder. I have two boys 3 & 7 and most weekends that's what I try to do. I try to spend as much time as I can with them and give them the opportunity to enjoy life. However, parents can't do this on their own. The formal education system has to change too. In P1 you are expected to already know more than the alphabets, the maths problem sums sometimes even baffle my son who comes from an English educated middle class background, they are learning multiplication & mathematics. I am resisting sending him for tuition. Why do we need out kids to learn so many concepts so soon? I only learnt multiplication in Pri 3. If we accelerate learning we need to also understand the stress families go through and is the child able to understand and is ready to learn the concepts at such a young age? I believe I am one of the minority that actually bring my kids outdoors and let them play but we need to relook our education system. It was one of the reasons why I wanted to leave this country when I was 16. I am now reliving it with my children. Unless the structure changes you will have parents who will continue to send their kids for tuition 7 days a week and many many unhappy and mentally children with no sense of a happy childhood. I eventually went to study abroad and trust me it levels out. The Aussie kids did not have a stressful pri, sec education but we were on par. Maybe they were at a level better than I was as I was used to being spoon fed. I made a commitment to return to Singapore and to contribute to my country. I hope you do hear us out and work with us to make Singapore a great place or even greater. Thank you!

5. 【中国欧美教育对比】中国：小学累、中学苦、高中拼、大学混。玩耍的年龄被逼学习，学习的年龄只想玩耍。欧美：小学玩、中学混、高中学、大学拼。玩耍的年龄就玩耍，学习的年龄才学习。小、中、高阶段中国学生一般占优，进入大学阶段，欧美学生迅速超越。太看重起点，必将失去终点。

6. PM Lee, my undergraduate friend cannot solve her kid's Pri 3 maths qs...  Do we really need to have the top Maths student in the world? I like my kid to enjoy his childhood too, but I am afraid that he is not able to cope when he enters Pri sch and when this happen, it will destroy his interests in learnings and studies. Perhaps, MOE should relook at the standard of the syllabus and adjust it to age-appropriate level. If not, all parents will have no choice but to start their kids at ABC as early as 1 year old.

7. Teach Less Learn More is really about facilitating the learning. I came to understand this when I took Life Coaching course in 2003. After many years, I came to realised I was conditioned to love my children by their academic results. Not love them for who they are. I struggled to let go of sending my kids to tuition, enrichment classes and had been thinking of migrating because I was so stressed trying to help my children achieve academic results because they are assessed by this system. They beat themselves up thinking they are 'not good enough' when they fail in their exam. I felt guilty not knowing what I did would result in them being more confident or otherwise when the education system only recognize academic achievements. In the process of doing so, I became frustrated and unconsciously vent my anger onto my children, relationship suffered.  Like a bird trapped in a cage singing songs of 'freedom'.

8. When schools started "teach less, learn more" scheme few years ago... i was like "HUH??"... schools teach less... but students get more tuition and parents pay more... DID the scheme work? Any study on that? Thanks.

9. As a parent of present era, it is not that we want to be KIASU, but because the surrounding environment forces us to it, if we dont dont do this we will not get that, it is a vicious cycle.

10. My kids reminded me yesterday that PM said no homework is not a bad thing. I reminded them that "PM isn't the one who has to submit the homework to teacher tomorrow, get back to work."