HUGO BOSS - 4

撒旦的猫 · 发表于 15-10-2004 08:04:32|来自：新加坡

“Suppose that your female friend is damn drunk,” Hugo asked in a serious tone, keeping his green eyes fixed on me as he continued “and she leans on you and takes your hand and kisses your lips. Is she sending you a love message?”



A chill ran down my spine as the last phrase jumped out of Hugo’s lips. I shouldn’t have drunk that much. I shouldn’t have been out so late. I shouldn’t have been blinded by Hugo Boss fragrance. And I shouldn’t have… My behaviour has certainly caused me too much trouble! Secret has finally been disclosed and wasn’t that what I was hoping for? Accidental yet revealing.


Hugo seemed to be unaware of my reaction to his question and spoke to himself, “ Normally, I can accept it if she merely leans on me, just as you did last night. But she kissed me! She eyed on me! And I’m sure she likes me!” He gave me this expression as if he has again gotten hold of certain truths.


Right! Apparently, I’m not the drunk girl he was talking about. And eventually, I realized, I’m not the only drunk girl who leaned against him and whom he would comfort naturally being a gentleman… It’s just me who was being so silly for considering a hug as a serious gesture here…


I was dumb.


I’m nobody special but a normal sweet-natured friend of his, one of his many female friends, whom he can speak to when he is bored of being alone. This thought bitters my heart and completely shattered any rosy expectation I have for our future relationship. Wasn’t this what I was hoping for? Keep an unsure emotion deep down in my heart, lock it there and pretend to be unaffected whatever he does.


This is my third day without any contact to Hugo. He sometimes knocks on my door while I continue doing my work without answering and regret for being so cold to him after he left. Many times I would sit with other groups of friends for lecture while trying to locate him through the corner of my eyes. We occasionally meet at Brunch Bowl during lunchtime and I would start talking to whoever sitting next to me, ignoring his smile frozen on his face.

I am not feeling well! Not at all! At one minute I would feel like walking up to him and ask questions like: how is he getting alone with the girl who kissed him? Does he have any feeling for her? If not, does he have any feeling for anybody else? Does he like me? Has he ever liked me for one moment? At the next minute, I would reject completely these shallow questions and tell myself that I can survive without him. Evaporating from Hugo’s world, I want to testify if he really cares about me at all.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-10-15 8:05:19编辑过]

GH0ST · 发表于 15-10-2004 11:04:08|来自：新加坡

a loner was walking past a group of drunkers seated around a camp fire. there was only ice mountain ahead, the snow threatened to bury him alive. 'hey, death awaits u. stop being silly.' the loner then replied,'i used to see sunlight beyond that mountain. i want to see wats beyond.''look at them, they wanted too.' the drunker pointed at a frozen body with painful expression equally frozen just in front.the loner didnt look at it. he kept on swimming in the depth of the snow. 'why dont u just give up? can t u feel anything? the chill, the hunger, and here the warmth of our settlement.''i dont feel cold at all. i m coldness itself. u r drunk. talked enough.'then the loner fell. he fell asleep on the snow. in his dream his body betrayed him and went back to the settlement. it enjoyed a happy life thereafter only that wat lied beyong the mountain was still a mistery. when he woke up.'not bad at all, in fact... if i just spend my life that way.' the loner said to himself, still moving towards the ice mountain. only this time, he couldnt see his feet, his hands or simply, his whole body. 'he is a ghost, incapable of love until the sunshine once enlightened him warms him again.' the play was then over. the betrayer then claimed that he had been betrayed. the audience uttered nothing...

GH0ST · 发表于 15-10-2004 11:12:19|来自：新加坡

if u feel cold, u can choose to become coldness yourself and wait for the warmth u deserve. or u can settle with a camp fire if u think u r not tough enough and ur ambition wont ruin u again when u r warmed. choice is there, either way, u ll get something out of it.

GH0ST · 发表于 15-10-2004 11:20:57|来自：新加坡

maybe u r lonely, u r not alone. at least i know i care for u, although it often makes no difference.

hello_babe · 发表于 15-10-2004 21:18:58|来自：新加坡

<DIV class=quote>以下是引用撒旦的猫在2004-10-15 8:04:32的发言：

“Suppose that your female friend is damn drunk,” Hugo asked in a serious tone, keeping his green eyes fixed on me as he continued “and she leans on you and takes your hand and kisses your lips. Is she sending you a love message?”



A chill ran down my spine as the last phrase jumped out of Hugo’s lips. I shouldn’t have drunk that much. I shouldn’t have been out so late. I shouldn’t have been blinded by Hugo Boss fragrance. And I shouldn’t have… My behaviour has certainly caused me too much trouble! Secret has finally been disclosed and wasn’t that what I was hoping for? Accidental yet revealing.



Hugo seemed to be unaware of my reaction to his question and spoke to himself, “ Normally, I can accept it if she merely leans on me, just as you did last night. But she kissed me! She eyed on me! And I’m sure she likes me!” He gave me this expression as if he has again gotten hold of certain truths.



Right! Apparently, I’m not the drunk girl he was talking about. And eventually, I realized, I’m not the only drunk girl who leaned against him and whom he would comfort naturally being a gentleman… It’s just me who was being so silly for considering a hug as a serious gesture here…



I was dumb.



I’m nobody special but a normal sweet-natured friend of his, one of his many female friends, whom he can speak to when he is bored of being alone. This thought bitters my heart and completely shattered any rosy expectation I have for our future relationship. Wasn’t this what I was hoping for? Keep an unsure emotion deep down in my heart, lock it there and pretend to be unaffected whatever he does.



This is my third day without any contact to Hugo. He sometimes knocks on my door while I continue doing my work without answering and regret for being so cold to him after he left. Many times I would sit with other groups of friends for lecture while trying to locate him through the corner of my eyes. We occasionally meet at Brunch Bowl during lunchtime and I would start talking to whoever sitting next to me, ignoring his smile frozen on his face.


I am not feeling well! Not at all! At one minute I would feel like walking up to him and ask questions like: how is he getting alone with the girl who kissed him? Does he have any feeling for her? If not, does he have any feeling for anybody else? Does he like me? Has he ever liked me for one moment? At the next minute, I would reject completely these shallow questions and tell myself that I can survive without him. Evaporating from Hugo’s world, I want to testify if he really cares about me at all.
</DIV>
Interesting, looking forward to your next diary entry~
hope you are happy[em01]

撒旦的猫 · 发表于 15-10-2004 20:07:54|来自：新加坡

i heard that someone who is frozen to death died with a smile on his face. a smile, though a result of intense muscular contraction, is still a smile. difference from lonely and being alone. i'm certainly not alone, being surrounded by friends whenever i want. i'm certainly lonely, as there's nobody i could talk to when i have something to utter. everyone sitting upon the camp fire knows about and has experienced the cold, so that nobody would be bothered by whether you could feel any warmth there at all...

撒旦的猫 · 发表于 15-10-2004 20:13:45|来自：新加坡

<DIV class=quote>以下是引用GH0ST在2004-10-15 11:20:57的发言：
maybe u r lonely, u r not alone. at least i know i care for u, although it often makes no difference.</DIV>
thank you. it does make a difference. i feel like sharing something with all you ppl so that i am not facing it alone. getting replies and advices from you all enables me to bring it on. Hugo's sitting three seats next to me now, of course i won't let him see what i am writing. i think he's wondering why i have this mysterious smile on my face. if he's the campfire, i won't be the betrayer.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-10-15 20:14:28编辑过]

GH0ST · 发表于 15-10-2004 22:10:56|来自：新加坡

he must be the sunlight then, over time. things will just be perfect if it willingly shines onto u. this singledom of yours wont be long.

撒旦的猫 · 发表于 16-10-2004 11:01:56|来自：新加坡

i don't know... i'm confused. i'm pissed off, by myself. i'm unclear and i can't even make a proper decision now... hey ghost, maybe i shouldn't have thrown it all out here. or maybe, you're thinking me as shallow. shallow i am, i'm merely typing down words. if those who have a feeling see these words i've typed, they would know what i mean. isn't it?

hello_babe · 发表于 16-10-2004 13:48:42|来自：新加坡

I think he will know~~don't worry..

HUGO BOSS - 4

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